Um, I wasn’t expecting that to be so popular! March 23, 2009

That post has to be one of the top ten most commented posts on Galloping Cats. Who knew a post about baby girl clothes would generate such interest? Cracks me up. I loved it, though!

I had a ton of meetings today and I toted my phone wherever I went. Of course, the call from the genetic counselor came while I was presenting to a mere 90 people. She left a message saying good news regarding the FISH results which is, of course, the most important part. But since she’d been in the room when the tech declared “girl” but not when she waffled, she didn’t mention gender. Of course, I got voicemail when I called her back and was just presenting to a smaller group of important people when my phone rang again. I was flustered and announced to the group that I was waiting to find out whether I was having a boy or a girl. They all encouraged me to answer, but it didn’t seem that professional! It was the first time I’d met most of these people and it was kind of embarrassing that I’d said even that much.

Of course I checked the moment I left the meeting and… confirmed! It’s a girl! Or as I like to think of it, my very own dress-up doll! (Kidding, kidding.) I truly would have been happy either way, but it is so much fun knowing. It still doesn’t feel real, though. I thought it would once I knew the gender, but now I am thinking it won’t until I start to feel movement, which I expect will be delayed due to the anterior placenta. Have to go back and see when that happened with Gatito.

Some of you lamented the lack of cute boy clothes, so I thought I would share my sources, since I really do enjoy dressing Gatitio. He looks awesome in orange and I love dressing him in either a little or a lot of that color. I don’t like the overly sweet clothes or the “daddy’s little football player” type stuff from Carter’s. I like things with a little bit of spirit. The base of his wardrobe (that which does not come from his cousins, that is) is from Old Navy and H&M. Too bad H&M isn’t a little more widespread and doesn’t have online shopping, because they have some cool clothes and many (though not all) of them are well-priced. It’s getting a little babyish for Gatito now, but Janie and Jack has by far the best boy clothes around– particularly their sweaters. Regular prices are outrageous, but they almost always go on sale and you can stalk the sale section of their web site. That’s all I’ve got. Happy shopping!

How do you stop yourselves?! March 22, 2009

I think the one fairly widely acknowledged advantage of a baby girl over a baby boy is the clothes. Sure, there are disadvantages, like the costs and the fashion and media industries pushing them to sluttiness ’round about the age of six, but still… Those dresses! The tights! The cute shoes!

Ever since I found out that Gatito was going to be a boy, I have not looked at the girls’ side of the stores. At first it took a studious effort, but over time I stopped thinking about the girl clothes altogether. I got into dressing him kind of cool. I happily accepted hand-me-downs from his two cousins, which enabled me to spend a little more on the few select pieces I needed to supplement.

Yesterday, I allowed myself a quick pass-through of a few of the children’s clothing stores and let myself take a few surreptitious glances over at the girls’ sides. I nearly cried. The flowery Spring dresses! The adorable little swimsuits! The sweet little shoes!

If this baby really is a girl, I am doomed! She is doomed! Because I am not going to be able to stop myself from treating her like my very own dress-up doll. And what kind of message will that send to her, that mommy is so focused on dressing her adorably? And I’m anti-dresses for girls anyway, because I hate the way they impede play, compared with boys clothes. But… but… how can I stop myself? Did I mention how cute the Spring dresses are?!

Amnio Day March 20, 2009

I took the tension out of the Level II ultrasound and amnio by focusing only on finding out the gender. That worked well for me right up until we were sitting in the genetic counselor’s office and I found myself sobering up. Not because there’s any reason to believe there’s anything wrong, but you talk through all that stuff and you have to think about it.

We learned, for one, that since we did the testing for typical Jewish abnormalities in 2003, there have been about six more tests developed for horrible problems. I’m Jewish and A is 1/4. Kinda too bad we didn’t know about that before we did IVF. So we agreed to have blood drawn for those as well.

I learned something else that sent me reeling, too. Back in 2004, we tested the miscarried embryo. This was when we were concerned that high ANA and a mutated MTHFR gene might cause recurrent miscarriages. It was important to know whether this one was due to a genetic problem, and therefore “ordinary,” or something else. And I distinctly remember the conversation with Dr. WCS about the results. They came back normal, 46xx. But since they were female, he said, he couldn’t tell if they were my cells or the baby’s. And since the embryo had deteriorated by then, he thought they were probably mine. Well, today I saw that pathology report with my very own eyes for the first time and it was specific: those were the baby’s cells. It’s weird to receive news like this over four years later. This knowledge that it was definitely a girl and that there was, apparently, nothing wrong with it. If I’d had that information at the time, I might have made a different decision about treatment during my subsequent pregnancy. And yet, that pregnancy was fine, perfect, so the decision I made was the right one. But still, it troubles me.

Moving on, we went for the ultrasound. The tech asked whether we wanted to know the gender and we said, “Yes, desperately!” She tortured us by starting at the head and working her way down. When she got to the crucial bits, the legs were crossed! She measured other things and came back and… it’s a girl! A few minutes later, however, she advised us not to start buying pink… she wasn’t completely sure. The doctor came in after and concurred that he thought it’s a girl but was also not sure. So… I’m thinking pink! Maybe! Probably! FISH results on Monday, thank goodness, so we’ll know for sure then.

We couldn’t resist telling the family, and that included Gatito. He took the news with a smile and then reported via phone to my sister that the doctor thinks it’s a baby sister. Maybe that wasn’t a great parenting decision to tell him before we were sure, but I don’t really think it will be that big of a deal for him if we have to reverse the news on Monday.

Everything else looked great and the amnio went off without a hitch. I do, indeed, have an anterior placenta, but he was able to find a spot to go in without going through it, unlike with Gatito. And the other great news is that the placenta is now very high up, no longer qualifying as low lying. So yay!

After the procedure, A and I went back to have our blood drawn for the Jewish diseases. My draw was uneventful but poor A nearly passed out. They aren’t used to treating men in the maternal fetal medicine offices! He turned positively gray, but eventually recovered thanks to some juice and a ham sandwich. When he felt better, we stood up to go… and he practically knocked himself out hitting his head on a TV that was hanging down from the ceiling. Oh, how the nurses and I did laugh. Is that wrong?

What was I about to do? March 16, 2009

Pregnancy brain is another inconvenience that seems to have set in early this time around. I can be distracted from the simplest of tasks by the most inconsequential things.

So imagine how hard it is for me to post whilst the neighborhood chihuahua is yipping away. I swear I am going to LOSE. MY. MIND. That dog is driving me crazy! What is it doing outside at 8:30 p.m. anyway? Ahhh, now it’s set off some bigger dog some distance away. Will it lose its voice eventually, do you think?

Growing up, my mom had a cat that didn’t look Siamese but must have had Siamese blood in her, because she had the meow of a Siamese cat. Which sounds like a baby: Wah! Wah! When they used to board the cat when they traveled, she would meow/cry the whole time. She was still meowing/crying when they picked her up, but all hoarse and pathetic-like.

Today, my boss asked me to email him three things. I emailed two and just after I sent the second one, he IM’ed to remind me about the third. It had only been a couple of minutes, so I could totally play it off like I was about to send it, but the truth was, I had completely forgotten. I always write everything down because I’ve never had a great memory, but normally I can retain simple stuff for a couple of minutes. And actually, this is the, um, third time this has happened in the past couple of weeks. Always with things I was supposed to email to my boss but got distracted by a phone call or, say, a speck of dust. It’s really quite unfair being a woman. Or, as Dr. WCS once said when I was pregnant with Gatito, “Isn’t it awful what pregnancy does to women’s bodies?”

OMG, that damned chihuahua has started up again. I’d like to call animal control. What makes people think it’s okay to let their dog bark and BARK and BARK and disturb the whole neighborhood?

Last night, Gatito looked at me and said, “Mommy, your stomach is getting big because of the baby!” That kid does not miss a trick. Then he asked if he could shout at it, which I believe is something my sister suggested. I agreed and he bellowed, “Helloooooo! We’re going to read a book now!”

Level II ultrasound and amnio on Friday. I am super excited to find out the gender! I truly have no preference but cannot wait to know. It makes it feel so much more real, you know?

Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip. Why don’t they let the damned dog in the house?!

So Gatito shares a (first and last) name with an artist who lived a few hundred years ago. Not someone who most people know, but well-known to anyone who has studied that subject. If the baby is a boy, would it be bad to give it a name that happens to be shared (first and last) by someone who is, say, the equivalent of a mid-century ping pong player who is somewhat well known even in the general sphere for designing sporty clothes? I mean, is it fair to give one child the name of an illustrious artist and the other the name of a ping pong player? (Yeah yeah, table tennis, whatever.)

Yip yip yip.

On the lighter side March 11, 2009

At dinner tonight, I asked Gatito, “If you could only have one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

He answered, “Chicken nuggets, french fries, and Cow’s ears!”

[Cow is his lovey and he sucks on his ears all the time.]

I laughed and laughed.

***

Yesterday at the OB, Dr. Worst-Case Scenario went to get the doppler and I said, “But aren’t you curious to see where my placenta is now?”

“Well,” he said, “It doesn’t really matter. It’s way too soon to worry about that now.”

“What?!” I said, incredulously. “You are the one who was talking hysterectomies at nine weeks!”

“Ohhhh,” he said. “It’s all coming back to me now.”

And he went and got the ultrasound machine. Dear lord.

My placenta now appears to be on the left side of the uterus, wrapping around from front to back. If it touches my c-section scar at all, it’s only the edge, and he is no longer concerned. So, yay!

I haven’t been this worried about Gatito since before he was born March 9, 2009

For somebody who is, at her core, a worrier, I think I have been impressively zen about motherhood. I worried all through my pregnancy with him. A lot. But from the moment he came out, I felt calm. And over the past three plus years, that calm has essentially remained. I have my moments, of course, but mostly I have been pretty relaxed.

So it’s hard to explain why I’ve been so rattled by recent events. I keep telling myself, “It’s not cancer, it’s not a mental disorder,” and it’s true, these things are millions of miles from those. So for now I’ll blame pregnancy hormones.

A took Gatito to the pediatric dentist this morning. It seemed like a promising place, recommended by a woman in my book club. They sent a fun video in advance which Gatito enjoyed. It did not go well. Apparently it was fine until they went to tilt the seat back and then he lost it. They were nice and praised him consistently, but still went about their business through his hysteria. The results were a diagnosis of two cavities, one so deep it requires the child’s version of a root canal plus stainless steel cap, and sealants on the rest of his molars. They said they would give him Valium and the appointment would take five hours. Oh, and it will cost $2,000. No dental insurance because who would spend $400 on dental insurance for a three-year-old? How many three-year-olds do you know who’ve needed root canals?

For the record, since they asked so you might, too: he mostly drinks water, rarely drinks juice, didn’t have a bottle in his crib, eats some candy but nothing excessive, and overall has one of the healthiest, most varied diets filled with fruits, vegetables and even sushi, of any three-year-old I’ve ever known. And while this is apparently genetically passed on from the mother, I never had a single cavity as a child. And I distinctly remember wetting my toothbrush so as to fool my mother into thinking I’d brushed my teeth when I hadn’t.

Anyway, a lot of this sounded to me like it required a second opinion. A is against it because he doesn’t want to cause Gatito more trauma, but I can’t put him through baby Valium and a root canal and a five hour appointment without knowing for sure that it’s necessary. It just seems strange to me. When A and I lived in Manhattan, we had this dentist that performed an extensive, 6-visit root canal on A. After insurance, we still owed like $2K, which we paid off over the course of two years. Later, our suburban dentist indicated that he thought it was completely unnecessary. That same dentist filled six cavities in my mouth… funny that I never in my life had a cavity either before or since. I won’t be such an idiot with my child’s mouth.

When I called another pediatric dentist who had been recommended by three friends, they were kind of appalled at the idea of giving a child Valium. They said all children react differently to those types of drugs and you’d only want to do it in a hospital setting. They said this dentist is accustomed to working with special needs children, who tend to be especially difficult patients, they have taken other patients who did not do well with other pediatric dentists, and they are confident they can work with Gatito. We have an appointment tomorrow, so we shall see. It’s still possible we will end up back at the original pediatric dentist but I’d like to explore another option.

Alls I know is that afterwards I’m taking this kid to get a bike! (We were already planning to get one next weekend, but why not combine the two things and make something fun of the day?)

***

I’ve been desperately trying to conserve personal/vacation days for after the baby is born, but between the 8:40 conference, the 11:45 dentist appointment, and a 4:00 OB appointment, I cried uncle and took the day off. I am trying to decide what to do with my 2.5 hours while Gatito is in school. Gym? Coffee and a book? TV and bonbons? Go home and cry some more over Gatito’s bad teeth and shyness/sensistivity? After the dentist I’m planning lunch, bike, and aquarium before the OB. I hope he wasn’t planning on napping.

Well this should be interesting March 8, 2009

I’m 15 weeks as of tomorrow, but I tell you, sometimes I feel like I’m at the beginning of my third trimester, not my second. I’ve been feeling occasional pressure in my pelvis, which makes total sense because the baby weighs all of about 2.5 ounces (and is the size of an apple!) right now. And then there is the intense pain on the sides of my uterus when I move wrong or cough or sneeze. And, as I mentioned, my belly button is half out. I don’t remember any of these things happening until the third trimester with Gatito. And I know the body lets go sooner the second time around but jeez.

It’s not that it bothers me much now, it’s that I’m wondering how bad it’s going to get. Since I could barely walk the last two months of the Gatito, due to sharp pains in my pelvis, all this early onset stuff makes me nervous. I don’t have the sort of job I had last time, where working from home was easy and automatic and 40% of staff did it. I’m sure we could work something out if it comes to that, but no one will be happy about it.

Of course, I’m grateful to be pregnant and grateful that this is stuff that affects my comfort and does not threaten the health of the baby. I won’t be sorry when my reproductive years are behind me, though.

***

We have Gatito’s parent-teacher conference on Tuesday. The message from his teacher was a little cryptic. I think she said she wants to talk to us before the conferences start. Or maybe she said at the early side of conference time. There was mention of Cow and Gatito being happy and sad and crying. He never cried at all in the first term, but since Christmas I know things have been a little rough. So I am nervous.

Clarification March 4, 2009

I actually really like Sibling without Rivalry and think it gives you a lot of good tools to try and different ways of thinking about things. It is very much in the spirit of Haim Ginot, which I also liked. (I’m giving the impression that I read a lot of parenting books but truly, other than these two, I haven’t read anything since Gatito turned one!)

For instance, to this day, my mother talks about how when I had a school project growing up, I was always done ahead of time and with a minimum of fuss and my sister used to turn the whole house upside down with her stress about getting projects done. It’s minor, but it still annoys my sister when my mom says this. And by the way, I was very inconsistent. There were definitely times I finished my work in advance, but there were also times I didn’t realize something was due until I showed up at school. Then I would claim “forgot it at home” and since I was such a goody-two-shoes, the teachers bought it and I’d go home that night and complete the project. I suppose in my shame I mentioned it to no one and hence, did not disrupt the household.

I could envision myself making comparisons that seemed innocent between Gatito and the baby. I could see myself telling Gatito that he was a much better sleeper as an infant than the baby (this is sure to be true) and now I’ve realized better to avoid the comparisons right from the beginning.

What I was reacting to yesterday is that the book just seemed to highlight all the ways in which siblings can not get along and can even potentially cause lifelong trauma to each other and it seemed like an awful lot of hard work to make sure that doesn’t happen. Though I’m assuming some of the techniques start to become second nature. Obviously, the authors are focusing on the problem relationships, else what is the point, and certainly there are plenty of siblings who have great relationships. It feels like kind of a crap shoot, though. You get kids whose personalities mesh nicely and it works out easily, or you get kids whose personalities do not and you spend a lifetime trying to minimize the damage. It just sounds exhausting.

***

BTW, I just looked down and noticed that my belly button is halfway out. Isn’t it kind of early (14 weeks) for that to be happening? I just checked and it looks like it didn’t happen till close to 20 weeks with Gatito. Is it because I’m gaining too much weight? I don’t mind, and I kind of like how easy it is to clean, but somehow I was left with the impression after my hernia surgery that I would not get an outtie in a future pregnancy. So I just hope that it doesn’t mean that the hernia has become un-repaired or something. I just emailed the surgeon so will see what he says.

Siblings without Rivalry March 4, 2009

If you’re feeling sad because you only have one child or if you think you’re having a second (or more) for the sake of the first, go read Siblings without Rivalry. It is scary stuff!

Annoying March 1, 2009

I never bought What to Expect the first time around, since I’d heard it specialized in pointing out all the crazy things that could go wrong and I was all too aware already from my travels in infertility and pregnancy loss blogland. This time around, I’ve been occasionally checking in online to see what produce the kid can be compared with this week, but that’s about it. I’m trying to be all free and easy, see? (I’m not even using the doppler daily. Are you proud?)

Yesterday, a copy arrived free with some maternity clothes I ordered and briefly thumbed through it. What I can say is that in about five minutes of reading, it told me about seven different times that I have been eating too much and have gained too much weight.

For the record, much like the last time, I have gained a pound a week of pregnancy. Not supposed to happen in the first trimester, but it happened with Gatito (total weight gain = 38 lbs) and it even happened with my first pregnancy (weight gain of around 7 pounds in 9 weeks, if I remember correctly). And I was on steroids which increased my appetite this time around. By the time I went back to work, 15 weeks after Gatito’s birth, I know I’d lost all but the last five pounds. It took me a while (a year, okay? I won’t wait that long this time!) to get my butt onto WW, but once I did that, those dropped off as well. So I know I can do it again and I am trying not to worry about it.

In the meantime, I want that book out of my house. Grrr.