I have things I want to write about, in particular the craziness that runs through my head when I can’t sleep at night, but that takes time, and time is in short supply this week.
A few months ago, I ran into a woman I recognized from grad school at the drugstore. We weren’t close friends then, but we were friendly, and we’ve exchanged a few emails since then. Yesterday, in response to an email about our class reunion (five years already! how’d that happen?), she casually announced her (second) pregnancy.
I got that sharp pang of bitter jealousy that I remember so well from the days Before Gatito (B.G.), but which I thought I would avoid this time around. Maybe it was worse coming on the heels of yesterday’s bad news about the beta. I ignored her email, feeling too hateful to wish her congratulations.
Today, I got another email, this time inviting the family to dinner on Saturday night. At first I thought I wouldn’t go. But I really don’t want to do this again. God. I just do not want to allow the fact of her pregnancy prevent me from developing a (sorely needed) local friendship. I don’t want to be who I was B.G., or to feel what I felt. This feels like a test: Do I cross the line into bitterness, or do I suck it up, be grateful for the gorgeous, healthy child I have, and go have dinner?
Before I could think too much longer about it, I offered to bring dessert.
Hey, I am proud of you! I hope you will be “rewarded” with an excellent Saturday night
I hope you have an excellent time, m’dear.
Good for you, Cat. I’m not sure I’d be so brave. Just today I scoffed at a fertile who introduced over email her “first” child, smug & confident that when she wanted another, it’d happen effortlessly again. If only, eh…
Congrats, Cat! You did it – sometimes just doing it makes it all better. Or at least, a little better. And you do have a gorgeous wonderful child. The cup is not half-empty, it’s half full of a real blessing.
Good for you. She may surprise you and be just what you need.
I think it’s great you made that decision. It’s gotta be hard, though, not to fall back into old ways of thinking and acting. Best of luck.
Impressive. I’m still have little leaks of bitterness here and there and they always surprise me.
I’m proud of you =)
Bravo! It takes a lot of courage to get past our own worries about worry.
Good for you! Sounds like I’m not the first commenter who wishes she could learn from you…