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Best. Problem. Ever. March 29, 2008
About a year ago, I ordered an (enormous) box of diapers in size 6 before discovering the hard way that they were too big. Never mind, I figured, I’ll just put them away till he gains a few pounds. Over the past year, though, he’s gained a few inches but not so much in the way of pounds. He’s like his dad: tall and skinny.
Now, it looks like we’ll never get a chance to use those diapers because (knock wood, ftoo ftoo ftoo, etc.) Gatito is potty trained! I credit Tata entirely (and Gatito’s easy-going nature)– certainly not anything that A and I did, and I do wonder if he’ll spend the rest of his life shouting, “JELLY BEAN” after using the toilet, but who cares? We’re daytime diaper free! (FTOO FTOO FTOO.)
Tata is so getting a present.
(Had a great day today. Found a cute and comfortable pair of brown shoes to replace a pair I just noticed is embarrassingly atrociously out of style; a belted trench coat at Zara, which I loved and was not available in my size last time I was there; and a slim, pregnancy-defying top on the 50% off rack at BCBG. May not getting a chance to wear that shirt for long be my biggest problem.)
And I’m free! To do what I want! Any old time! March 28, 2008
Or at least tomorrow. Gatito and A and my dad are going to the auto show.
My mom was angry that my dad did not invite us, but I do not mind so much: I have plans to go shoe and clothing shopping and an appointment for a massage.
Square One March 27, 2008
I take a certain amount of pleasure in the fact that I know my body and can recognize the signs of fertility. I was right: I was ovulating when I thought I was, because I got my period today. (A mere 10 DPO, but never mind that… the progesterone seems to solve that problem.)
If all continues normally through the next cycle, early May will find me riding an ultrasound wand and, depending on what it tells me, getting back on this crazy roller coaster. In the meantime, I am really appreciating every moment of the clear-headedness that will disappear if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again.
Nursery school March 23, 2008
Last Tuesday, I got an email from Gatito’s nursery school that they are planning a playdate for the kids and the mommies to meet the teachers and the other kids and the mommies that will be in his class in September. For this Monday. At 10:30-11:45 a.m.
Arggghhhh! When I signed up for this nursery school, I did ask if I’d be the only working mother whose nanny dropped their kids off and they assured me they had plenty of working mothers.
If this is true, then 1) How about a little advanced warning to make it easier for me to arrange for the time off work? 2) How about inviting parents or caregivers, not just mommies? and 3) How about scheduling at, say 9:00, which would enable me to be at work by 11:00, instead of at 12:30?
I let my boss know I’d be working from home in the morning, taking a couple of hours off, and working the office in the afternoon. Then I told the nursery school to expect both A and me. (What? Dads aren’t supposed to be interested in meeting their kid’s future teachers and classmates?) I also very politely asked if they could perhaps, if at all possible, give a little more advanced notice in the future. They didn’t reply. Ugh.
***
Edited to add: BrooklynGirl is right– The fact that they didn’t invite dads or give more notice is universally insensitive, not specifically insensitive to working moms!
Chocolate and eggs and cars, oh my! March 23, 2008
Unlike Christmas, I never felt left out of Easter growing up Jewish. As an adult, it’s been mostly just annoying that all the stores and restaurants are closed.
Three years ago, I made an easter egg hunt for A. Incidentally, just a couple of months ago, he and Gatito discovered one of those eggs! Luckily it was plastic, not real, and filled with jelly beans, which they didn’t lose any time devouring.
This year, something took over and I got into it, going a little crazy in the Easter aisle at Target. When Gatito got up this morning, he immediately found a small blue egg on the steps and the hunt was on! I wish I’d had a video camera for the funny “I need to pee but I don’t want to stop and go to the potty” dance (finally ended, unfortunately, when he gave up and just let loose in his pull-up).
I don’t know what eggs and chocolate and a Lighting McQueen Easter basket (and a Mater Pez!) have to do with Jesus rising from the dead, but it was fun!
For the love of… March 17, 2008
Saturday’s beta was six. Down three measly points in a whole week. My body just really doesn’t want to let go. I am convinced that my usual doctor would have made me do another test, as only <5 is truly negative, but he’s on vacation and the head of the practice said it was enough. Thank god for small favors.
I don’t know whether it is possible to have had a beta of six on Saturday and then to ovulate today-ish, or if it is normal for this process to produce false fertility signs and even a falsely positive OPK, but I guess I will find out in a couple of weeks when either I get my period or I don’t. I hope I do because, as you may have surmised, I am anxious to get this show on the road.
Fin March 16, 2008
I am pretty sure that yesterday’s blood test will show that my beta is officially zero. Whew. It is amazing to me that, although I was only pregnant for five minutes, it took five weeks after the methotrexate for my beta to drop.
The reason I am mostly confident that it is now zero is that I have been having, shall we say, fertility signs, for the past few days and an OPK turned positive this morning. The thing that is alarming is that my LMP was December 22 and the next time we’ll be able to try again will be May, meaning this whole sorry affair took five months. If it takes three months to get pregnant again (I believe this is average for a fertile person?) and I have another ectopic, that will knock out another eight months. Assuming I wouldn’t consider the IVF alternative until/unless I’d had three ectopics, we’re talking September 2009.
I know, I know… talk about getting ahead of myself. Blame my 33rd birthday for looming around the corner. Who knows? I could get pregnant in May and stay that way for nine months. But sometimes when I’m lying in bed at night, my brain starts whirring, and this is what it produces. (For the record, it has already produced a fear of twins and a decision to only transfer one embryo at a time, should it come to that. Although Exhibits A and B are pretty good examples of why that’s no guarantee of a singleton!)
But seeing the signs of fertility return has encouraged me, for whatever reason. In truth, this whole episode will leave me back at my Plan A timing, just now officially high risk. I just have to wait and see what the future will bring.
For now March 12, 2008
I have things I want to write about, in particular the craziness that runs through my head when I can’t sleep at night, but that takes time, and time is in short supply this week.
A few months ago, I ran into a woman I recognized from grad school at the drugstore. We weren’t close friends then, but we were friendly, and we’ve exchanged a few emails since then. Yesterday, in response to an email about our class reunion (five years already! how’d that happen?), she casually announced her (second) pregnancy.
I got that sharp pang of bitter jealousy that I remember so well from the days Before Gatito (B.G.), but which I thought I would avoid this time around. Maybe it was worse coming on the heels of yesterday’s bad news about the beta. I ignored her email, feeling too hateful to wish her congratulations.
Today, I got another email, this time inviting the family to dinner on Saturday night. At first I thought I wouldn’t go. But I really don’t want to do this again. God. I just do not want to allow the fact of her pregnancy prevent me from developing a (sorely needed) local friendship. I don’t want to be who I was B.G., or to feel what I felt. This feels like a test: Do I cross the line into bitterness, or do I suck it up, be grateful for the gorgeous, healthy child I have, and go have dinner?
Before I could think too much longer about it, I offered to bring dessert.
What the fucking fuck? March 11, 2008
Saturday’s beta was nine, which, as you may notice, is not zero. Not only is it not zero, but it is a mere nine points lower than it was an entire week before. Which means that this thing is still not over, I have to have yet another blood draw this Saturday, and I am at least another two months from trying again, more on which later.
