[Please feel free to skip this. I'm sure it's boring boring boring, and I'm well aware that there are bigger problems in the world, but it's what's on my mind.]
Have I mentioned that Gatito bounces with excitement when L arrives? Can a 1-year-old miss someone, or do you think he doesn’t think about her unless he sees her? I feel sick about this whole thing. Am I making it harder than it needs to be?
I’ve spent the evening on the phone with candidates and references. Basically, it comes down to:
#1: The Spanish-speaking child psych major with the safe car that I mentioned yesterday. The reference loved her and said she was great with the kids, but kept talking about how young she is (23) and made me feel like I’d have to be fairly careful in directing her. This is a real contrast with L, who is really instinctual about stuff like that, and she’s so creative in play and development. Also the reference told me not to expect her to be pitch in and fold a load of laundry or anything, which L does.
#2: 21-year-old mother of a newborn. Pros: Spanish-speaking, lives close by, got one good reference. Cons: Second (most recent) reference hasn’t called back. Seems like they left on weird terms at the end of her pregnancy. And she has a newborn. Her mom would apparently be taking care of the baby, but I feel like that’s setting myself up for trouble.
#3: 38-year old single woman, no kids. Pros: Sounds like a consummate professional, 10 years of experience, helpful around the house, never missed a day in 2+ years. Cons: Described as having a strong personality– not sure how well she’d take my direction. The biggest con though is that she doesn’t want to be stuck in the house all day with him (understandable!) but she doesn’t have a safe car. She could drive mine when I’m home, but I’m concerned that in the end I will need to get a new car, and I really can’t afford that.
I haven’t met any of these people yet, so I’ll have to see what my gut tells me this weekend. Obviously there are tradeoffs to every situation, but it’s so hard to trade the devil you know… you know?
Hmmmm…Sounds like the young one is the best bet. My friend has had all young nannies and all of them have been great. Very “mold-able”. I’d also say that it’s worth while to draw up a written contract that states what is expected of your nanny (if you don’t already have one), including pitching in on light household duties (be specific), sick policy or otherwise having to call out, and maybe even vacation policy. If you have everything written in stone and signed, then they can’t come back to you saying, “Well, you never told me!” Good luck!
Hmmmm…Sounds like the young one is the best bet. My friend has had all young nannies and all of them have been great. Very “mold-able”. I’d also say that it’s worth while to draw up a written contract that states what is expected of your nanny (if you don’t already have one), including pitching in on light household duties (be specific), sick policy or otherwise having to call out, and maybe even vacation policy. If you have everything written in stone and signed, then they can’t come back to you saying, “Well, you never told me!” Good luck!
I like Kathy’s idea – is this something you could ask other moms with nannies at the park? ‘Hi, what legal language did you use when you hired your girl?’ is a hell of an ice-breaker!!
He will miss her. (He misses you, right? So he will miss her.) But he will get over it. And be happy.
I like Kathy’s idea – is this something you could ask other moms with nannies at the park? ‘Hi, what legal language did you use when you hired your girl?’ is a hell of an ice-breaker!!
He will miss her. (He misses you, right? So he will miss her.) But he will get over it. And be happy.
Follow your gut! I agree with Jess, too, but I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I know that I’m about to strangle the Chinese grandparents, but Mimi loves them. But then my problems with them do not include missed days.
Another vote for the Spanish-speaking psych major. 23 is not so young … and I agree that you can be more the “boss” that way.
Gatito will have a bit of an adjustment but he will be fine. All nannies have their plusses and minuses — the new one will do something great (like be on time! or reliable! or truthful!) that you’re not currently getting, even if the laundry lingers.
Good luck …
First of all, not boring.
I think your gut will tell you all you need to know. Trust your intuition. And let us know how it goes!
First of all, not boring.
I think your gut will tell you all you need to know. Trust your intuition. And let us know how it goes!
Not boring at all! And here’s another vote for #1. I worked in childcare from 21 to 23 and loved every minute of it. And a psych major, too! And Spanish speaking! I wouldn’t let the age thing throw me as long as she’s reliable, enjoys Gatito, and respects the house rules. I have several friends in their 20′s who are nannies and they love their jobs. Definitely go with your gut, but I’m hoping she makes the cut.
Not boring at all! And here’s another vote for #1. I worked in childcare from 21 to 23 and loved every minute of it. And a psych major, too! And Spanish speaking! I wouldn’t let the age thing throw me as long as she’s reliable, enjoys Gatito, and respects the house rules. I have several friends in their 20′s who are nannies and they love their jobs. Definitely go with your gut, but I’m hoping she makes the cut.
This isn’t boring at all. I think that more people need to talk about their nannies and child care issues because, well, it’s huge. The problems are real problems and the stakes are high. The only thing that I have to say is that R. is 23 and, usually, a consummate professional. She does do some things that 23-year-olds do, for instance, I’ve never seen her get excited about ANYTHING, but she’s amazing with the boys. She’s kind. She’s caring. And aside from the week where she burnt herself out and got all pissy (later apologized), she’s been a joy to work with. Never late. Ever. In Nine Months.
As someone else said, a contract is the way to go. If you email me privately, I’ll send you our contract (if I haven’t already).
I’ve already told you this before – we switched to a youngster (well, 26) and I’m so, so happy we did. Whatever she may lack in initiative she more than makes up for in willingness to do whatever we ask.
I thought Smacky would be emotionally affected by the nanny change – (we changed when he just turned one) and he really wasn’t. I stayed home with them the first day to kind of ease the transition, and I realized the anxiety over it was all about me; he was fine – I was the wreck.
His first nanny (in her thirties) came by to say hello and visit last month. Smacky was happy to see her but after a hug and a hi he quickly went about his business. I think she was a little upset by it, but if you ask me he likes the younger nanny much more. She’s more active, more engaging, more fun.
Good luck, and keep us posted! Not boring! This is important stuff!
I haven’t had to hire a full-time nanny but I’m on my fourth regular babysitter, so I sympathize. A was quite fond of a couple of them but each time, she’s adjusted just fine to the new person. Frankly, the changes were harder on me!
The contract sounds like a great idea. The easiest way to cause bad feelings is to assume the nanny knows what you want her to do. Getting it all written down will save you a lot of trouble. (Not that I have done this…but I only have someone for a couple of hours a day.)
I haven’t had to hire a full-time nanny but I’m on my fourth regular babysitter, so I sympathize. A was quite fond of a couple of them but each time, she’s adjusted just fine to the new person. Frankly, the changes were harder on me!
The contract sounds like a great idea. The easiest way to cause bad feelings is to assume the nanny knows what you want her to do. Getting it all written down will save you a lot of trouble. (Not that I have done this…but I only have someone for a couple of hours a day.)
I haven’t had to hire a full-time nanny but I’m on my fourth regular babysitter, so I sympathize. A was quite fond of a couple of them but each time, she’s adjusted just fine to the new person. Frankly, the changes were harder on me!
The contract sounds like a great idea. The easiest way to cause bad feelings is to assume the nanny knows what you want her to do. Getting it all written down will save you a lot of trouble. (Not that I have done this…but I only have someone for a couple of hours a day.)