When I first started this blog, I couldn’t understand why A thought it mattered that, in the darkness of my most painful days, I wrote something
not so nice about another person and why he pressured me to delete it
(which I did). I thought, hey! this is anonymous! I can write whatever I want! Finally, I realized how public this really is.While I haven’t told anyone I know about the blog, I’m not that private about the miscarriage or the problems that the ANA and MTHFR may or may not present to future pregnancies. So if anyone I talk to has the slightest curiousity/interest and decides to Google, say "ANA MTHFR miscarriage" they’ll wind up on my doorstep and then they’ll recognize my cats and the jig will be up. Which is why I never write anything here that I wouldn’t be comfortable with people that know me reading. Which has the added benefit of keeping me focused on ME and my experience, not on my feelings about other people
So um… anyone reading this know me in real life? Come on, de-lurk if you know me!
I don’t know you in real life, but I do know whatcha mean. I refrain from talking about my family, my coworkers and non-cyber friends for fear of someone doing a random “oliviadrab” search and POOF! transported to my tirades. Even on pouty days when I feel like no one is really reading my blog, there’s always SOMEONE. That someone could always make for a potentially uncomfortable family reunion.
See- I’ve decided I just don’t give a damn. There are some posts that I DO type that I simply keep as drafts which saves them on my blogger account without publishing them- but for the most part, I post what I think/say. I’ve never been compelled to bite my tongue- and if people don’t like it, c’est la vie!
I can’t help but feel that this might have been inspired by the debacle on my blog (or else I am just a narcissist…which I am). Ehhh, screw it. These days I feel like an old person. You know…like…I’ve lived long enough and I can say what I like and if you don’t like it, well screw you. That’s kind of how I feel.
Thanks for yor comment on my blog. I am still new to this so I don’t know the proper etiquette for responding, so I popped over here.
Funny you should mention anonymity. I am obsessive about keeping my identity private, hence my own post about secrecy. Even online where I’m theoretically anonymous, I’m vague about certain details, and I don’t include photos, to avoid the chance of someone in the real world figuring it out. Then again, since most of the people I know don’t even know what I’m going through, I guess that’s pretty unlikely. But it’s just my own fear. I’d hate to be walking in one of my favorite stores and have some stranger say, “hey, you’re Kat who had all those miscarriages”, or even more awkward, “Hey, you’re Kat from Fertility Friend and I know more about your cervical fluid than your husband does.” LOL
To answer your question from my blog, Julia and I have the same issues (her husband is the carrier) and I met her years ago through her online journal in the days before blogs. I just rediscovered her blog, and the whole blogworld, so I started my own. PGD would be an option I suppose, but we can’t really afford it and I’m not ready to do all that. I’m hoping to go the natural route for now. Anyway, sorry to hijack your comment section.
Keep up the good work!
I know exactly what you mean- I live in fear that one day my mother will Google something about treatment in Scotland and my blog will appear, she’ll put two and two together and AGGGGGGH! I think it’s good to remember that somebody might be reading as long as you don’t have to live in fear.